A few days ago, I read an article in the New York Times about how Portland has become a super bicycle-friendly city and has the nation's highest percentage of workers who commute by bike
After I read it, I felt a pang of guilt about the fact that I live in the most car-centric city in the world. The moment passed quickly, however, when I remembered that I love my car, and hate bicycle riders.
Yes, driving in Southern California can be torturous. It's ALWAYS rush hour here, and when it rains people completely forget that their vehicles come equipped with brakes. Sometimes when I'm sitting in traffic on the freeway I momentarily lose my mind and scream at the cars around me, "JUST MOVE ALREADY. MOVE! LUCIFER'S BEARD, WHY AREN'T YOU MOVING?!"
But the point is that I can scream. I'm safely tucked away in my own little temperature-controlled cocoon of steel and glass, where I can listen to NPR or sing along with my awesome mix CD as loudly as I want. I know it's wrong, but I just can't help it. As much as I miss living in a pedestrian-friendly city, I do NOT miss public transportation. I do NOT miss standing outside in sub-zero temperatures in the middle of winter, waiting to cram myself into a jam-packed train full of people with questionable personal hygiene.
(For those who may not know, Los Angeles does actually have a subway. This is something I often forget, but I was reminded the other night when I caught the last 20 minutes of "Speed" on cable. I have yet to meet anyone in this city who has ever actually ridden it, and it wouldn't surprise me to find out that someone built it for the sole purpose of filming a movie scene and then just decided it was easier to leave it there.)
As for my general dislike of cyclists, well the truth is that they just bother me. They pedal along, blithely unaware of all the disgruntled drivers behind them, and seem to believe that their two-wheeled dexterity exempts them from following the rules of the road. The run-ins I've had with bicycle riders over the years have done nothing to dispel my prejudice. Back in college when I was Rollerblading (remember Rollerblades?), a man who was riding behind me accused me of somehow causing him to crash and fall of his bicycle. And because I stupidly gave him my real name, he sued me for $2,000 worth of damage to his bike. Another time, while jogging, a cyclist running a red light smacked into me and sent me sprawling into the middle of the busiest street in Boston.
Need another example? My friend Neetu (who is an avid cyclist, but I forgive her because she has many other admirable qualities) once took a nasty spill while riding her bike around the college town she lives in. While she was lying prostate on the sidewalk, a man with a hook for a hand attempted to administer first aid to her. Which just goes to show you that nothing good ever comes from riding a bike.
So, my apologies to Al, the lovely, outdoorsy people of Portland and Plant Earth. On this particular issue we're just going to have to agree to disagree. When it comes to my little blue Toyota, my attitude isn't very green. In fact, it's more of a smoggy gray.
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10 comments:
Sure would be nice to be able to take public transportation up from Orange County and be able to get somewhere in walking distance of whoever or wherever I was visiting, though. And it'd be pretty sweet if I could get to and from LAX by public transportation, so I could look at a wider variety of flights.
When I was in Boston last month, I stared incredulously at the packed green line trains going by. Did I ever really jam myself into one of those things? Of course I did-- all of the time. But now, claustrophobe that I've become, it's hard to fathom that I was ever willing to be pressed up against so many people with, as you put it, "questionable hygiene" ;-)
I can't stand bikers, either. It started from when I would run in the park near my apartment in NYC and no one ever, ever walked their bike on the bridge across the highway. Those freaks would come tearing around the corner like they own the road because they don't own a car. Now that I drive all the time, I hate them even more, but thankfully I live in a totally un-green part of town.
One day when we were driving to Subway, a guy on a bike came out of nowhere and almost caused Kyle to crash his car. Flustered and distracted a few seconds later, Kyle missed his turn and had to double back to get back to the office. Angrily, he shouted to the heavens, "GUY ON A BIKE!"
Ever since then, "Guy on a bike!" has become a popular expression around the office. It applies whenever someone, or something, gets in your way and makes simple tasks needlessly difficult.
"Guy on a bike!"
We're hoping it'll catch on...
I agree, that packing ones-self into the green line trains is a horror I never, ever want to revisit. Seeing as I still live in Boston this thought amuses me. But, ask me how many times I take the green line anywhere (B, C, or D line) once it leaves Kenmore and goes above ground.
My answer? Never, no way in hell, I refuse to live anywhere near anything but the red line, etc, etc, but thanks anyway.
I can relate to the stupidity of handing out a real name when there's been an accident. Once upon a time, stuck in traffic around Hartford, CT, I rear-ended a lady. Yes, it was my fault but it was really a love tap - nothing more. No cops were called, just an out of the car check to make sure she was okay...and I stupidly gave her my real name and contact info. Guess who took my insurance company to the cleaners? To this day I wish I'd told her to call me at 867-5309 and been done with it.
Ah, you are truly becoming the atypical Angeleno.
I lived here for a year sans car. I rode the subway AND the bus. It's really not that bad and the buses are actually convenient.
I think most Angelenos, however, have a mental block when it comes to LA public transportation. And even if they were to expand the subway, the issue wouldn't change. In LA, perhaps more so than anywhere else, cars are a symbol of status, and god forbid we take that away.
I stand corrected. Turns out I do know someone who has ridden the L.A. subway.
Well, Meghan, maybe you should do a little more research before blogging.
Just ask Mary Kelly...
Guy on a bike!
Best post ever. And that hook story is ridiculously true-- it was the most confusing moment of my life (made worse by the fact that brian n. called at that moment, futher adding to his belief that I am one disaster after another). But for all its foibles, I'll take public transport over a city of cars-- for one thing, where else can you be surrounded by the crazy/homeless/posibily genuius/definitely smells of urine? That's character baby.
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